August 31st, 2007

It was late summer night and I could not sleep. Was the full moon or was my mind full of thoughts, I do not know. Instead of tossing around in my bed, reading the book and trying to sleep, I decided to go for a night walk. I never walk alone but this time was different. I do not know why and I even do not want to know.

Although I like darkness, I prefer to feel it during the daylight. In fact, black is my favorite color, it is my personal color. I feel safe to be surrounded by the blackness, the darkness. Even my lifestyle is dedicated to that very color, black.

While I was fully awake, walking down the street, everything was surrounded by the darkness and silence. Pure silence and tranquility was walking with me. Alone. My thoughts were active as my heart beat was. I was full of inner noise, not knowing from where it comes.

Suddenly, I have noticed the light, the light at the night. It was the street light, which was sparkling, flashing through the dark night. And there I was, standing in front of it and staring at the lightening. I was fascinated by so much light, by so much beauty that was revealed in this moment. There was so much beauty in it, so much life, and so much reality. I was feeling that moment and realized that I am surrounded by that beauty.

Why are people constantly longing for a beauty of life, which is almost always related with the happiness, with artificial happiness, happiness that was created by our society?

We have created happiness, a meaning, a feeling of happiness and what it takes to be happy. We have set the definition and have learnt how to be happy. But why that kind of happiness does not work? Can a real happiness be only felt, after we have experienced a truly sadness? After we taste its bitterness? I don’t think so.

The beauty of life is waiting to be discovered, to be seen, to be felt and be aware.

Now, I am sure of myself.